Saturday, October 22, 2005
i m so important to my mum i drove her to depression when i was young. n she loves me so much she cried because of me like dunno how many times b4. sumtimes i feel like i m drowning in her sea of love.sumtimes i feel like im such a lousy daughter. but den again, i cant really help it. it's just like, id unno, i dun really like to care about stuff she cares about.andi must admit, i m really not her type of daughter. i have a mind of my own. she wans this hardworking, smart, OBEDIENT, RESPONSIBLE,will listen to her, dun really like to go shopping n waste money daughter. but like i m not perfect! ok anw, tt's besides the pt.she wans a daughetr like tt. but even though i m not like tt, she still loves me all the same. in fact, i think she loves me so much she compromised on some of her principles for me. and she's like so afraid tt i wld suffer. n she like wans the best for me. n she pampers me like anything. like i rmb tt time we were on a plane n i was bored n i wanted to play poker cards. de dumb flight attendant took forever. n she ended up arguing wif tt person. i mean, it's just a pack of cards, but like she ended up scolding tt person. haha. n like i dunno. when i forgot to bring my bag to sch in presch. ahha ok i was really dumb. she delivered it all de way to my sch. den like aiyah basically she gives me wadeva i wan(i mean not always when it comes to shopping). but yah, i usually get my way. like even in arguments wif her, i know i'll win in de end. coz she loves me too much. sometimes it's like i haf power over her coz she loves me so much? n like today i made her so worried she cried:( n went to this run down hut or wadeva shit u call it IN DE DARK at 12 am in de morn to look for me:S a bit drama lah..but she really cares.yah n she tolerates wif me, or try to, whenever i m pissed or wad.. esp when i m stressed. n like sumtiems i can get really irritating but she's still nice n all. argh i feel damn bad. yah, basically, it hink if anything happens to me, she'll just like die. o yah, n she's always dere when i m hafing my killer cramps. like she'll ask me to slp den she'll liek help me rub n everything for like 3 hrs until i fall aslp den she slps. tt kinda thing. n she trusts me qt a lot. n she's ok wif bfs n everything. n she toks to me about guys. haha. i think she loves me even more den i love myself lah. i mean i was really qt touched by wad she did today. i mean like she's realy v brave to do wad she did, but she was probably driven to do wad she did out of her love. haiz. i shall try to be a better daughter. n i was thinking, since she loves me so much, i shd love myself more. n stop deprecating myself n place my affections n efforts on unworthy ppl. n if i waste my time n emotions on unecessary things n ppl,i'll be insulting her love! coz it's like she loves me so much, den i go n love some other lousy ppl. aiyah. i think most ppl wun get wad i m talking about lah. but yah. anw joanne said smth like "ying wei ni wo gen ai wo zi ji". applies to my mum n me. heh. anw i will try n be less selfish. yah ok mission be a gd daugther commences.
teo
1:05 AM
